My Family Dislikes Her

Dear Hal-
I am seeing a wonderful woman who makes me very happy. The only problem is that my family dislikes her.  They say she’s not “right” for me.  I have given up bringing her to family events as they are unfriendly towards her and this is creating tension between us.  I am in a terrible position where I am being forced to chose between her and my family.  What should I do?
Perplexed in Providence/div>

Dear Providence-
There can be many reasons why family members reject a new companion. “It’s too soon,” comes up often when children have not achieved closure of their sense of loss from a divorce or death of a parent.  In such cases, time is the best medicine.  In your situation however, it seems like your family has just closed the door to this person. Have you discussed what they specifically don’t like about her?  In some cases, they may see things that you may not be aware of that may be worth considering.  Financial fears (inheritance) may also be part of the problem.  There are no easy answers here.  For me, family ties always prevail but with that should come a desire from your family for you to have some happiness as well.  It is often helpful to enlist the aid of a professional family therapist who will have an impartial perspective.

Good luck.


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  1. i want to thank you for the pleasure of reading this great post.

  2. Ellie

    Dear Hal- I experienced the same rejection by my boyfriend’s grown children. He is very attached to his daughters and ended our relationship in a cruel and hurtful manner. Because they told him I was not suitable. All his friends and associates approved but not his daughters. His wife has been dead 2 years. While this is very painful, I find that it is a no-win situation for me, what his children do not realize is that they are depriving him of happiness and companionship. He is 83 and I am 66. I take solace is the fact that another opportunity may come along for me.

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