Spending The Night

Dear Hal-
My “really close friend” and I are both in our 60s. I am divorced and she is a widow. We have been seeing each other for several months now and although we enjoy a healthy sex life, we have not actually spent an entire night together in our own homes. One of us has always gone back home to spend the night. For some reason, the thought of actually staying over has taken on some sort of higher relationship meaning! Are we off-base here?
Good Night in Phoenix
Dear Night-
You are not alone in feeling that a real overnight in one or the other’s home is different than sleeping together at a hotel or staying a few hours in each other’s bed and then going home. I too believe that spending the night in your (or her) home means moving your relationship to another level. By staying over, you are opening your home up in a way that strongly implies a greater commitment level than your current arrangement (albeit one that is mutually enjoyable). After all, people will see you leaving her home and that makes a statement about how she feels about you . . . in a good way. In that great TV show, Seinfeld, they discussed how serious a relationship was based on the amounts and kinds of toiletries were left in a bathroom! A real overnight is important and if you feel uneasy about it, then perhaps you two aren’t really ready yet to move to that level of commitment. Definitely talk about it . . . there is absolutely no requirement that you be all-night pillow buddies in each other’s home to still enjoy your time together. . . provided that’s what you both want. Sleep tight, wherever.

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