Handling A Break-Up

No matter who initiated it, breaking up is heart-wrenching. There is so much second-guessing and post-mortem psychology associated with the separation that it is easy to make things worse than they already are. Here are some things to avoid:

-Don’t try to be friends.
The effort required in monitoring your feelings (good or bad) going forward as a friend and not a lover requires a huge amount of psychic energy. You cannot really begin to recover from a break-up unless you give yourself space. Just move on.

-Don’t stalk
With Facebook, FourSquare, Twitter, cell phones and just plain person-to-person gossip, you will be tempted to try and keep informed about your ex’s life now that you’re not together. This is a prescription for greater pain than you are already feeling. In this case, less information is far better than more.

-Don’t communicate with her
You will almost certainly feel a need to talk with your ex about something. DON’T. Put yourself on a strict regimen of silence when it comes to her. Let her wonder what is going on with you. Avoid places you used to frequent together and if at all possible, avoid mutual friends for at least a month (they will almost certainly be a conduit to her).

-Don’t do anything rash
Don’t move out of town, don’t buy a motorcycle, don’t get a tattoo, etc. Concentrate on doing things that are “me” focused. For example, get a manicure, a facial, a professional shave. Join a gym, take a vacation, visit family. You are more than likely not in a frame of mind to make any major life decisions, so keep things reasonable and put yourself first for the next few weeks while you heal.


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