The Coffee Date

We all know that a “dinner date” carries more weight than a “lunch date.”  That’s why in our soon-to-be-published Suddenly Solo book, we suggest a mid-day meeting when arranging a first date as it is less stressful and has lower emotional gravity than supper.

But perhaps even before any kind of a “first date,” consider asking her out for a casual cup of coffee.  These “coffee dates” are becoming increasingly prevalent in the dating scene amongst Suddenly Solos and it’s easy to understand why.

First off, they are generally in well-frequented venues where women feel safer.  Coffee dates are also less expensive than meals (although some exotic coffee concoctions can quickly run up the meter!), and that makes it easy on both of you to pick up your own checks without any implied obligation.  Thirdly, coffee dates are very time-flexible.  They can go as long or as short as the chemistry takes it.  And finally, women know that there will be almost no expectation of any goodbye kiss after such a cursory meeting, so that pressure is removed!

As an initial get-together, coffee dates have a bit of mystery to them.  When you suggest this kind of meeting, your perceived level of interest in her is really in play: Are you very interested? A little interested? Just kind of interested?  With coffee dates, women are not automatically at “Defcon-5” as they might otherwise be at a dinner, when there is clearly a sizable degree of interest coming from you.  At this less formal coffee date, she may be more willing to open herself up to you as you are both in effect “selling” yourselves to one another.

So be sure to dial back any desire you may actually have for her and focus on using this meeting to let her speak and really get to know her.  Then, just let the date progress at its own pace without any immediate expectations and see what brews.



  1. Jay

    Seems kind of an old fashioned view of dating, at least to me.

  2. admin

    Probably true, but many of our Suddenly Solos have been away from the dating scene for some time and re-entry advice that may perhaps be somewhat ‘old fashioned’ to you can be downright leading edge to others. My goal is to give fellow Solos a helping hand in getting out there . . . even if it’s just suggesting meeting for a cup of java! Thanks for writing.

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