Pick-Up Proficiency: What Works?

As we note in our Suddenly Solo book, the male/female odds as we age are in our favor.  There are more single women out there than there are single men.  But that doesn’t directly correlate to there being a surfeit of “quality” women that possess all the qualities you are looking for.  So, it is still worthwhile for a guy to pursue a woman who he feels is worth getting to know better.

And so, the question comes up: “How do I pick up a woman my age?”  Well, we are dealing only with personal experiences and what we have learned from our many interviews for the book, but here are some hints that seem to work when approaching a woman:

  • Confidence.  Women don’t have time for a wishy-washy attitude at our age. This doesn’t mean being aggressive and pushy. It means projecting an aura of certainty. Don’t second-guess yourself when communicating.  Be your best self and let the chips fall where they may.
  • Eye Contact.   This means paying attention… and paying compliments. All women like to be admired and noticed.  They don’t want your eyes to wander, but don’t stare like a serial killer in training!  You should avoid looking downward at your shoes (or her cleavage, for that matter).  Is she wearing nice jewelry?  Say so. There is much to be said for someone who actively “listens.”
  • Expect Independence.   While you absolutely MUST be chivalrous in all your interactions (offer to pay for drinks/dinner, hold doors open, etc.), don’t be surprised if you are rebuffed.  Women our age do not necessarily wish to appear “beholding” to a new acquaintance.  Don’t take it personally, just respect her position.
  • Relax. You are both at different stages of your lives than when you were first dating and when you were dealing with young children. There are less of these sorts of stresses pulling on the both of you.  This should make you feel less “wound up” and remember, you will likely have many more opportunities to meet new people as you expand your social landscape.  So take each encounter with an easygoing sense of yourself and a sense of humor as each of these adventures unfold.

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