My Moustache Tickles Her

Dear Hal,
My lady friend has told me that my moustache tickles her and that I should shave it off. I have had my “stash” for over 20 years and my kids say I should keep it. I really like this woman and I don’t want to lose her over something like this. What should I do?
Maine Mountain Man
Dear MMM,

Well, you may have already answered your own question when you say, “I don’t want to lose her.” And as a moustache wearer for many, many years myself, I understand the dilemma you face. It is part of who I am. This is the face I recognize when I stagger to the mirror each morning. Who would that guy in the mirror be without it? Unfortunately, our data shows that 31% of mature women would prefer not to date a man with facial hair. (They are obviously misguided!) And you have encountered one. So what can you do? Consider this: shave it off… for now. But the next time you go on a trip (preferably camping, skiing, or other rugged activity), tell her you don’t want to bother shaving until you return home. Then just shave off the beard part and leave the “stash.”
Of course, there is one other extreme measure. You could tell her that your virility lies in your “stash” (ala Sampson and his curls), so put up with a little tickle. It’s part of the whole wonderful package – YOU.

Hal

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