I Am Too Flirtatious. What Are The Boundaries?
Dear Hal,I am a “young” 76-year-old who has been single for just over 4 years now following my wife’s passing. I am fortunate to have many friends who often host parties in addition to the get-togethers that are organized by our building complex. I attend almost all of these events and I enjoy “flirting” with the many women who attend. However, I have been told that, at times, I am too flirtatious. What are the boundaries? I usually just talk up women, tell some jokes (never “dirty,” but I admit, they are sometimes “saucy”). I certainly don’t do anything physical (except for an occasional hand-hold or arm around a waist). Do you have any kind of guidelines that you use?Flirty in Florida
My first question is, who said you were too “flirtatious?” Is it a woman who would like you to confine your flirtations to her? (And of course, she is right, if you have settled on a particular lady.) But that doesn’t seem to be the case. Flirting is certainly flattering to most women and of course, by its very nature, in the situation you describe, there will be more than one woman to whom you will pay attention. After all, if you have made more than one woman feel admired, then you have done a good deed for their self-esteem. But this gets tricky if your intention is to bed one of these women. Could you be seen as “all talk and no action” in the minds of some women who do want “more?” Additionally, if you walk off with one, you run the risk of leaving the others with whom you flirted a bit put off. This may have repercussions at the next party. I wish I could give you some rules, but there are none in today’s new relationship culture. But at your next gathering, slow down a bit and be more restrictive in the number of women with whom you flirt. Assess the feedback you get at that point and re-evaluate. But whatever you do, don’t stop having a good time and putting yourself out there. You’re a young guy, so feel good about yourself.