Holy Shift! Mature Dating from a Woman’s POV!

We here at Suddenly Solo always appreciate hearing a woman’s perspective on some of the issues that are important to all of us.  We reached out to the very funny and perceptive Nancy Lang, the author of the book You Want Me to WHAT?! – The Dating Adventures and Life Lessons of a Newly Divorced Woman, which is available on amazon.com.

Ms. Lang is also a professional actress and an M.D. (Maven of Dating). Now in Act 2 of her life, she is a Certified Life Coach and will be taking her act on the road doing public speaking, seminars, and workshops. She is the creator of the Nancy Tells All blog (www.nancytellsall.com) and her thoughts on being an active “solo” are fun reading.  We asked her to write something for us guys so we might obtain some insight into what dating is like from the female perspective.  Enjoy!

“It is true that the only constant in life is change, and the death of a partner, or of a marriage, is one of the biggest adjustments we will ever make. Everything in life as we had known it shifts.

As a “mature” woman, finding myself divorced after a 20-year marriage was scary. I emerged like Dorothy from a black and white world to one filled with Technicolor. While it was exciting to see my future with such colorful promise, I had to adjust my dial from the simplicity of my uncomfortable certainty to a world filled with dating, kissing, and being naked, oh my! I knew not where my road was leading, but I quickly learned that it is in the unknown where opportunities, possibilities, and lots of mistakes lie!

I also learned that you must make mistakes! If I hadn’t dated the shmuck that cheated on me or the shrink that slept with his patient, I wouldn’t be writing this right now! Dating as mature people (a.k.a. older folks!) can make us feel like juvenile idiots. Do it anyway. It can be frustrating. Do it anyway. It can hurt. Do it anyway. It can be scary. Do it anyway!

As I’ve traveled along my yellow brick road, I’ve picked up a few choice lessons:

    1. Know your end game for dating. Is it to have a friend with benefits, a lifelong companion, marriage, or a Ms. Saturday night?
      • Let her know this right away! Don’t waste her time and your money if she ultimately wants to get married and you just want sex!
    2. Know your deal breakers. If you can’t live with cats and she’s Cat Woman, no matter how hot she is, move on!
    3. Trust your instincts and listen to them! If you find yourself rationalizing what’s not quite right, pay attention; it usually isn’t.
    4. Most importantly, be yourself! If they don’t like who you are, show them the exit door!  A man I recently interviewed put it perfectly: “When you’re getting close to the front row of seats in front of God, you don’t want to waste any time!”

An important key to making our journey less formidable is attitude. We can choose to look at our pursuits as daunting or as an adventure. I personally choose the latter because either way, no matter what, Shift Happens!”

(Visit Nancy at: www.nancytellsall.com, https://www.facebook.com/NancyTellsAll and https://twitter.com/NancyTellsAll.)

 

6 Comments

  1. GaryC

    I have found it pretty hard to date at 61… The women my age either don’t trust men or they want someone out of a fantasy novel… I’m Rough and Rugged not a pretty boy… Maybe there are some that will look inside instead of on the outside… I can chat all day and be witty and charming but then we meet and you can see if there is a sparkle or a frown… Rejection is much tougher at 61… But I still have hope that I will find that person that is right for me and me for her… :-)

  2. Gary, you should have hope! There are many women who trust and appreciate men. If a woman ‘rejects’ you for being rough and rugged, unable to see the sparking gem of a guy you are on the inside, then you can thank them for not wasting your time!
    Dating isn’t easy, but keep sifting and you will find the woman who deserves you and who might even want to be rough and rugged with you! :-)

  3. John

    Thank you both.  I was feeling it was just me.  I have been a widower for nearly 5 years now and have many times felt just like Gary, that women our age just don’t trust men or want someone out of a fantasy novel.  Recently as I have finally gotten to the point where I am comfortable with being single and I figure a lasting relationship will be the icing on the cake, I am finding more interest in what I have to offer.  It is a good feeling now, but such a shame that having a good current life can get in the way of having an excellent, love filled life.  We all should be willing to ‘take the risk.’  Thanks again.  John.

  4. John, I think that there are both women and men who have a difficult time trusting, and who imagine a partner resembling some hot character from a steamy novel. That said, I believe there is no coincidence that you began finding women who appreciated you for you once you felt more comfortable with yourself and your situation. You were able to be yourself, and that is indeed what women want and will respond to. You can have a good life filled with love, trust, companionship, and good hot novel sex! And yes, we all need to be willing to take the risk! What’s the worst that can happen? Yes, we can get hurt, but if we don’t allow ourselves to feel, then we truly miss out, and that would be the worst that can happen. Thanks to you and to Gary for your wonderful and heartfelt comments!

  5. There are some excellent comments here. I tend to agree that the older we get the more difficult it becomes to get back into the dating scene. I think that’s one reason the online dating sites have become so popular. They allow us to search for and make so many contacts without all the bar hopping or other social situations. There are some great sites out there and some not so great. We just have to do our due diligence and take a few risks that all will turn out positive.

  6. Great to hear from you Scott! Getting back into the dating scene can feel quite awkward, especially if the last time you dated was when there were full service at gas stations! Yes, online dating sites can be a great way to meet a potential match, it may just take a bit more discovery work than the old fashioned way of being fixed up, or meeting at the water cooler. Ask questions, get answers, listen to your intuition, and have fun! 

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.