Breaking Up is Still Hard to Do

Neil Sedaka is still right.  Ending a relationship is not easy, no matter how long you were together.

In our Suddenly Solo book, we have several suggestions on how to navigate these treacherous waters and how best to salve wounded egos and avoid the vituperations that may occur.

Here are some separation strategies to consider:

  • Think before you act.  Be sure of your decision. Any feeling of uncertainty will come across in your discussion and will likely muddy things up.  Don’t confuse small issues with “Def-Con 1” level offenses.  Be certain you are not breaking up over a misunderstanding.
  • Have hard data.  Be prepared to clearly recount episodes, events, etc. that are part of your reasoning. You will likely be questioned as to specifics.
  • Focus on the relationship.  Don’t use the “it’s me, not you” gambit. Relate your decision to break up in context of what the relationship is not providing you.  Don’t blame the person (unless it’s a fidelity issue).
  • If possible, pre-arrange a hard stop.  We know this sounds pretty harsh, but having a solid exit strategy can alleviate a very long event.  However, you simply can’t allow any less than one hour of conversation. If you can arrange to meet your family or other non-frivolous appointment, it can help put a period at the end of a sentence.
  • Pre-arrange your departure.  If you live together, have a place to go and come back later to pick up your things at an agreed upon time.
  • Radio silence.  Don’t try to contact your ex for at least a month.  Let things cool down.  And whatever you do, don’t badmouth your ex.

There are no perfect ways to handle a breakup.  Of course, face-to-face is a must and the one-hour minimum is imperative.  You will certainly have a period of sorrow and grieving, no matter how bad things may have become.  Be prepared.


1 Comment

  1. Sometime it’s hard being a widow at a young age. I thought we would spend a life time together. I’m not looking for love but I hope it finds me. I love being in love.

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