Don’t Be That “Needy” Guy!

When you are re-entering the social scene as a Suddenly Solo, there is a tendency to forget the fact that we guys are more in demand now than when we were younger. It is natural to think in terms of how things used to be.

As a result, it can happen that when you meet a woman now, you may instinctively start what we call “over-calling,” or sending lots of text messages, or asking a full list of questions…basically choking women with unnecessary attention.

Don’t get us wrong . . . if you like this person, you should definitely contact her and express that.  But don’t overdo it.  Anything done to excess is bad for you.  For example, sending flowers is nice . . . sending dozens of flowers can be viewed as creepy or even make you appear a bit like a stalker.

Get in control of feelings of jealousy.  It doesn’t signify how deeply you may feel for the particular woman. It shows that you are a needy and insecure guy. A confident man doesn’t worry about his woman looking at or talking to other men. He knows he is good enough for and better for her than any of them. This is probably where most needy men have problems, since jealousy is a feeling, and feelings don’t go away that easily.  Have confidence in yourself as a, “good guy” who is truly in demand in today’s environment. Relationships are built on trust, and jealousy is distrust, so what are you really trying to do?  Move beyond a tendency to project worst-case scenarios.  If she says she is going to visit her friend, don’t imagine her in the embrace of another man!  You’re better than that.

Be the man! Have a plan and stick with it. Women like men who plan out evenings of fun. Don’t always ask a woman what she wants to do. Listen to what she likes when you’re having conversations with her, then come up with a fun plan that you will already know she’ll like. A needy man will do whatever a woman wants. A man of action will create plans for what they will do. Being a man of action will lead her to find you a lot more attractive in the long run.

Women are attracted to men who are confident and real. Women want to feel like you need them . . . but only after you already have your own life, your own interests and your own goals.

1 Comment

  1. John Havens

    Thanks Hal!  It has taken me 5 years to learn all that you stated there in 5 minutes!  It was so hard getting past this in the beginning, but I finally figured it out.  Great advice I wish I had so much earlier.  :-)

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