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Just had breakfast with Steve and he told me about your site and the book. Looks great!!! Check out my site nypsychologist.com (and same site: njpsychologist.com), and let me know if you want to link to each others sites. I have a blog there as well with useful articles. I would love to refer to your site thru the blog, as well as twitter – NYNJPsych – that I can tweet about you and your work. – Marty
Beautifully done guys!!! Hal you are amazing. Site looks terrific Good luckCan’t wait for the book! Will be alerting all our MD friends and partners to recommend site to clients XO M&M
Great to see and chat with you. My group is the Seniors Housing Group of Lee & Assciates, a national real estate firm with 47 offices in the US. We are just setting up at 600 Madison and, once I have computers, etc, I will send you more information and contribute to the site’s knowledge base relative to the type of residences available for seniors and insights to make an informed choice.
I live in Suffolk County on Long Island. Currently going thru a difficult and painful divorce after 26 years of marriage (my wife was physically and emotionally abusive). Looking to connect with others in the near future and don’t know where to start.
As a well-known practicing psychotherapist and workshop leader at Nassau Community College, Adult Learning, for many years, how can I be of help, or get involved with Suddenly Solo. I’ve been single for many years, so I understand.
I am 64 years of age, my wife past away three years ago, where do I go to meet a woman around my age for friendship fun & whatever follows
Sorry to hear of your divorce but it sounds like it was important for you to break free. I suggest first “circling the wagons” by communicating with friends as family to create a comfortable safety net. Go out for dinner or a movie with them to just clear your head and enjoy yourself. Don’t burden yourself with re-telling the past . . . look to a brighter future. Another suggestion would be to reconnect with a hobby and then open up to member groups. In my case, it was a vintage MG club that gave me some focus and a chance to meet new friends with similar interests. Don’t try to find “someone new” initially . . . find YOURSELF first. Keep in touch through this website, OK? You’re not alone.
You have many wonderful years ahead of you, Robert. I like that you are now looking ahead. I have found that concentrating a bit on YOU often brings a new person into your life. Join a gym and find out if they have specialized sessions for guys like us (when you go, wear appropriate athletic clothing and something that is a conversation-starter like a shirt or hat from your alma mater). Another way to get out there is to go to museum events or art shows where women often congregate. If these are not your style, then start easy by contacting bereavement or single groups through local churches and synagogues and be open to it! The important part is to get out there no matter what. You needn’t focus on necessarily meeting someone . . . that can happen merely by just, “being there.” Find something that you may have put aside and re-invigorate your interest in it. It may lead you in new directions and new environments. Please stay in touch and good luck . . . there is much in store for you.
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Wow, incredible blog layout! How long have you been blogging for? you made blogging look easy. The overall look of your web site is wonderful, as well as the content!
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I am 57 years old. My wife of 32 years died in November of 2010. We have two wonderful kids, both grown, and live locally. I’ve recently met someone that I knew when I was 20. She’s been divorced for a long time. We’ve been out a few times and I told my kids about her. They are not happy about me seeing another woman. I don’t want to do anything to alienate them, so given the choice of her or them, I have to choose them. My kids sacrificed so much during their mother’s illness that I’ll never be able to repay them for all they did for me and their mom. My daughter happens to be a nurse and moved back home to help me care for my wife. She completely gave up her life to help us and I’m forever indebted to her for that. The last thing I want to do is upset them. I’ve told them that I have no intentions or re-marrying but that hasn’t done anything to quell their dissatisfaction. Some people have told me they are being selfish. I don’t see it that way. I think they are just being honest. I don’t know how to proceed. My kids are my life.
This is one of the toughest issues we Suddenly Solos are confronted with as we move on with our lives. Certainly your kids are primary. They see this woman as a threat to the memory of their mother and undoubtedly that is a memory that you want to preserve as much as they do. But the threat is real because it is a specific woman. Here is a novel suggestion for you … bring more than one woman into your life. See “Mildred” this weekend but “Cynthia” next week, etc. Now your children’s view will become, “Oh yes, Dad is dating but there is no one really serious.” Certainly this will not be easy to pull off if there is already a serious lady in your life, but she is going to be out of the picture no matter what if you follow your children’s wishes. I think in time they will come to understand that your
happiness is tied to the future not the past.
I really don’t know why I’m writing this, I guess I just want to vent. I’ve been single for almost 20 yrs., I moved back home after 3 1/2 years to be with my kids, they’ve long since married, or just moved out. Things are worse now than they were before the divorce, so last May, I bought a house in Fla. to start over, I have a lot of family there, and they are making this transition much easier, and making me feel welcome, I will not be moving there until Jan, after I retire. My kids are not happy about my moving, but know I need to start enjoying life, my kids are my life, and I’m nervous about moving so far away from them, what if they need me NOW, but I’m 1200 miles away? Hopefully they will visit me often, as I will be doing the same. At 64, there’s not a lot of good years left, so I need to start enjoying what there is, am I wrong? The ex accused me of abandoning my kids, but I don’t think I am, they all have their own lives now, and I need one of my own, plus I think I need my kids now, more than they need me. I have no desire to get into another relationship for quite a while, if it happens, it happens, but I’m not on a quest for one, I have to get my own life on track first, and make sure that I, and my kids are o.k. with what I’m doing, or it will all be for naught. I don’t know if this makes sense to anyone, but like I said, I’m just venting, and hoping for better times ahead! Thanks for listening.
Venting, yes. It is a good idea to get your thoughts and feelings out into the open and hopefully get some feedback from others.
However you are absolutely wrong in thinking that you have limited time. Current census data says you have at least 20 more years in front of you. Plenty of time to get what we used to call a, “do-over.” You have been single for sometime now but it sounds like you are now really ready to begin your new life. And believe me, you are a young guy and can start a new and exciting period in your life cycle…..and Florida is the happy-hunting ground for new relationships. At your age, there are approximately 4 mature widowed or divorced women for every single guy. Forget your doing the hunting. Many of these women maybe on your doorstep with casseroles as word of your availability gets around. You need not be looking for a new relationship now. That’s fine. But don’t shut yourself off to the possibility. Be social. Enjoy the family you have in the Sunshine State and be active and “out there.”
Hopefully your kids are happy and living their lives. They will come to realize that your move is just a part of your ongoing healing. Sure you can still participate and enjoy them (and hopefully the grandchildren). Be assured they will always be your children and 1200 miles is not a big deal when it comes to separation distance with email, Skype and even an airplane ride.
Now, to your credit, you are really going SOLO with your move to a new home. Start to enjoy your new life there. Get yourself out and about. If you are happy, your kids will be happy for you as well.
Only two cautions from me….don’t rush into a new relationship until you have had the opportunity to to get a acclimated to the new world. And two, use condoms when good things come your way. Good luck to you.
…….life is never easy, it isn’t meant to be….but, the search for fulfillment can be fun…..
…….life is never easy, it isn’t meant to be….but, the search for fulfillment can be fun…..we all need to accept our losses….and be grateful for the good times we’ve known….and move on and make the very best of life….good luck, good love to all….
Thank You, I’ve been in Fla. for a month now, and it gets easier being away from the place I called home for 64 years. I have a lot of plans to keep me busy, and to make new friends. My kids are adjusting well to my absence, and are very supportive in what I’m doing, it sure is making this move a lot easier. Thank you for listening to my ranting. Bill
Enjoy your approach to this subject. I feel you are providing a very valuable service.
Although… I do feel you are sending mixed messages to these guys when you tell them how many women are “out there” for them.
Good women ARE interested in having relationships with men that are willing to “UPDATE” themselves.
As an Image Consultant I consistently hear dating rhetoric from my male & female clients; this is just one of the important factors of dating after 50!
My husband and I attended Andre Rieu concert in Ft. Lauderdale with my mom last weekend. I enjoyed the concert more than they did. As I sat there I told my mom who is widowed this would be the perfect first date for any man. The concert was comical, fun, and got you out of your seat…. You clapped and sang along and even danced…. It snowed on the crowd and balloons fell as the crowd protested against the end and cheered for another song….
For a divorced, single or widowed man this is the PERFECT date to go see Andre Rieu. I kept telling my mom and husband through the entire concert we need to blog about this….Tonight when I arrived home I started to read our local paper The Delray Beach Pineapple and in bold print “ACE Your Next Date? Ask Hal!” column and about the book “Suddenly Solo”. There was no need to have conversation as Andre Rieu did the talking through his beautiful music, and had you laughing, dancing and by the end cheering for more….
This note is coming from a girl in her 30′s so for any single man don’t miss a date to see Andre Rieu… You may even get a kiss goodnight!!!!
It’s really difficult to re-enter the dating scene — everything from stressing over a flaccid penis to a raging hard-on. I just don’t know what’s in my “tool” belt at the moment of truth, and what her preferences might be, i.e. does she want rough sex or maybe no sex at all? Sometimes, I just want to console the woman spurned and feel like I’ve helped to her. Reading your website gives me HUGE insight, because I had forgotten a lot of simple mechanics, like soft lighting, soft music, scented candles, and of course, the every-ready Viagra. Thanks guys….. a million.
What a breath of fresh air I felt seeing you on the Today Show, Hal. Thank you for letting the public know that we may have aged, yet we still delight in finding a “crush.” I am 62, a speech-language pathologist working with children having significant economic challenges. I have been divorced for 23 years. I’ve dated yet haven’t found that fun-loving, kindhearted person in the small community where I live. Your blog is the perfect place to find a “pen pal” to begin chatting with when one seeks a mature gentleman. Thank you, Hal.
Heard you on the Today show this morning. Very refreshing. I am unusual circumstances: I am married but my my husband lives is assisted living due to Parkinson’s Disease, yet, I feel single and would like to see interesting and active men in my community. I live in my own house and am age 75, still working and active. I don’t want to stop living!
I was thinking to find someone like my father- I messed up. I’m so thankful for children and gave them clear focus after the divorce. The children are married and have families,but they were soooooooooooooo careful in relationships because of me. Now, I feel damaged, too damaged to find someone and I would like to try again. I will read the blogs…SU
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